Excerpts from this week's readings of the devotional by Oswald Chamber's - My Utmost for His Highest

March 28th.


ISN'T THERE SOME MISUNDERSTANDING?


"Let us go into Judea. His disciples say unto Him . . . Goest Thou thither again?" John 11:7-8

"I may not understand what Jesus Christ says, but it is dangerous to say that therefore He was mistaken in what He said. It is never right to think that my obedience to a word of God will bring dishonour to Jesus. The only thing that will bring dishonour is not obeying Him. To put my view of His honour in place of what He is plainly impelling me to do is never right, although it may arise from a real desire to prevent Him being put to open shame. I know when the proposition comes from God because of its quiet persistence: When I have to weigh the pros and cons, and doubt and debate come in, I am bringing in an element that is not of God, and I come to the conclusion that the suggestion was not a right one. Many of us are loyal to our notions of Jesus Christ, but how many of us are loyal to Him? Loyalty to Jesus means I have to step out where I do not see anything (cf. Matt. 14:29); loyalty to my notions means that I clear the ground first by my intelligence. Faith is not intelligent understanding, faith is deliberate commitment to a Person where I see no way.

Are you debating whether to take a step in faith in Jesus or to wait until you can see how to do the thing yourself? Obey Him with glad reckless joy. When He says something and you begin to debate, it is because you have a conception of His honour which is not His honour. Are you loyal to Jesus or loyal to your notion of Him? Are you loyal to what He says, or are you trying to compromise with conceptions which never came from Him? "Whatsoever He saith unto you, do it." "


March 21st.

Interest or Identification?

Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ"

"And the life which I now live in the flesh . . . ," not the life which I long to live and pray to live, but the life I now live in my mortal flesh, the life which men can see, "I live by the faith of the Son of God." This faith is not Paul's faith in Jesus Christ, but the faith that the Son of God has imparted to him - "the faith of the Son of God." It is no longer faith in faith, but faith which has overleapt all conscious bounds, the identical faith of the Son of God.



March 29th.

Our Lord's Surprise Visits.

"If you are "looking off unto Jesus," avoiding the call of the religious age you live in, and setting your heart on what He wants, on thinking on His line - you will be called unpractical and dreamy; but when He appears in the burden and the heat of the day, you will be the only one who is ready. Trust no one, not even the finest saint who ever walked this earth, ignore him, if he hinders your sight of Jesus Christ."

a lab and a lamb

this is my puppy parker.


and he is precious. seriously, the sweetest, most gentle and loving dog i have ever met. and one of the neediest.

it's adorable how he follows me around the house - he wants to be right by my side allll the time. sometimes when i'm showering, he whimpers because he thinks he's lost me.

and apparently parker is taking lessons from houdini (i'm sure thats spelled wrong but you know who i'm talking about) on how to escape without leaving any trace of effort. if i ever leave the house for more than an hour, somehow, someway parker finds a way out of our fenced-in backyard. thankfully, our wonderful neighbors find him almost every time.

and how can i get mad at him? he is just so dependent on me and misses me terribly! and sometimes i don't get why he loves me - i'm nowhere near a perfect mom....and i can be kind of hard on him. despite that, his excitement to be around me never changes.

and i think to myself...that is the kind of disposition i want and the attitude i desire to have toward God. ...a deep awareness of my total need for God and reckless determination to be near Him ...because of a firm belief in His goodness!

this little puppy of mine ...a lowly lab reveals the beautiful temperament of a lamb of God.

musings on prayer, life, and discipline

i feel like i am at a small turning point in my understanding and appreciation of the balance between grace and discipline. that is, that i don't think there is a balance. grace and discipline do not have to be separate. really, it is a gift of grace to be disciplined. disciplining ourselves in light of grace opens our heart up to receive and experience more grace. conversely, experiencing grace motivates and inspires us to be disciplined. they are connected, woven together - not to be separated.

be to do to be to do.

i'm figuring out that i live independently of God probably about 90% of the time. even in reading and studying the word - sometimes i even pray without really engaging with God. and in studying and growing in knowledge of the word is futile unless we are engaged with God because "knowledge puffs up" and true believers "worship God in SPIRIT and in truth". even though i (the new susan) desire to grow and know God more and even if i try to discipline myself i fall.

the key is knowing that my new nature is not enough - i cannot just apply my will in tough discipline (romans 7:18). i must lean hard upon divine grace - GOD is my only hope, not me or anything i can do. my point is this: if our new nature lives in self-sufficiency and self-reliance, it will always be defeated. bob flayhart says that "it is only as we hope in the power of the Holy Spirit that we can defeat temptation...the new nature hoping desperately in Christ is able to face temptation"

but the more i learn, the more i realize i just don't know. katie b and i were talking this afternoon about bob flayhart and how every time we hear the gospel at oak mountain, it makes us realize how much we just don't know! there is so much to know! i wanna know everything! now! ...

craig branch gave me this illustration recently: the reality of God is like a sphere and each experience/revelation of God is like a straight shot through the sphere - we receive a new perspective and understanding of God's truth, grace, and His life each time we pass through. we can never behold it all at once - that would be impossible now. but he is continually moving us through this sphere - we never really exit it whether we are aware of it or not.

"The abiding REALITY is God, and His order comes through the moments. Am I always in contact with Reality, or do I only pray when there is a disturbance in the moments of my life?" - oswald chambers

i wanna live in the sphere! i guess the reality is that i do. open the eyes of my heart, Lord.

my list

i have been giving itunes way too much money lately. oh well. here's my top whatever music list. some are old. some are new.

Falling out of love - Aqualung
Second Chances - Paper Route
Son's Gonna Rise - Citizen Cope
Orange Sky - Alexi Murdoch
Can't take it in - Imogen Heap
Blessed to be a witness - Ben Harper
Kingdom Comes - Sara Groves
Boy on the Moon - The Daylights
You Dance - Eastmountainsouth
Glosoli - Sigur Ros
Extreme Ways - Moby
Crazy - Gnarls Barkley
Still Ballin - 2pac (the edited version, of course)
Where'd you go? - Fort Minor
Georgia - Field Mob, Jamie Foxx, and Ludacris
Is This Love? - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Very Loud - Shout Out Louds

song.

aqualung is becoming one of my top 10 favorites. i don't care that everyone and their brother likes them. this is the song i just haven't gotten enough of. couldn't find 'em on myspace to play it on my prof, so i put the lyrics here. enjoy.

"Good Times Gonna Come"

Need to know
If you're letting go
It's alright,alright, it's alright
Didn't know I was hurting you so
It's alright, alright, it's alright.

You came to me from nowhere
With nothing
And no-one
Hold tight, hold tight, hold tight
Goes to show
You never really know
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright

This is just one of those
Lonely night
The good times gonna come

See me then
Investing so much
In you, in you, in you
Came so close
To the edge I do, I do, I do

This is just one of those
Lonely night
The good times gonna come

In the end
We let it go away
We let it float away
On the breeze
'Round the bend
The sun is in the sky
It's starting to look like
It's gonna be, yeah, it's gonna be
A bright
Beautiful day
Yeah, the good times gonna come, oh no
The good times gonna come, yeah, yeah,

This is just one of those
Lonely night
The good times gonna come, oh,
The good times gonna come, oh yeah
The good times gonna come, ohh
The good times gonna come, yeah.
Need to know if you're letting go
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright

the flow of His life

may 6 will mark one year of livin in the ham. it's been quite a journey and i'm so thankful for the experiences that i have had here so far. blessings have been overwhelming - a wonderful church, a transparent pastor, awesome friends...just to name a few.

at the same time, it has been a very challenging year. trials, unmet expectations, disappointments, failures...but i would have to say that all of these have brought me back down to my knees in total surrender...a place i desire to remain. katie b has been walking me through the gracelife studies and steps to freedom (the stuff she did last summer in Charlotte) which has been AMAZING. i am beginning to learn to really bank on the TRUTH of who God is and who He says I am. slowly but surely, God is showing me how the truth, HIMSELF, is so essential to ALL OF LIFE.

The Lord is in charge of my heart, my life, and IS intimately involved with every detail. if you wear glasses, you will understand this illustration...have you ever looked through your glasses backwards? you can still see...but everything looks a little warped. I think God has taken my "glasses" off and put them back on correctly this year. it's funny how warped our "vision" can be and we aren't aware of it until the glasses are put on correctly. not to say that i see things totally clear now because CLEARLY i continue to make mistakes!! but i know that in "repentance and rest is my salvation". and God is so faithful to His promises, His pledges to us. He still loved me even when I pushed Him away. and no human being is capable of loving like that.

Something has been stirring in me the last few weeks...a deep longing for something more...I wish I could play Sara Groves's "Maybe There's A Loving God" - it is my favorite song of all time and i feel like it captures what i have been experiencing/feeling. I couldn't put my finger on it for a while, but it was STRONG. It has made me want to drive really fast, stand in the pouring rain, smoke a million cigars, turn the music up way too loud...anything extreme. And yesterday it hit me...it is, of course, GOD Himself! I want to feel so alive. HE IS LIFE. I want more. HE IS MORE. I want to be part of something larger than myself. GOD AND I HAVE BEEN JOINED TOGETHER AND I AM A PART OF HIS STORY.

Once again, Jesus i welcome the flow of Your life through me! I welcome disappointments, I welcome failures, I welcome unmet expectations, I welcome blessings, WHATEVER it takes to know You and the power of Your gospel. Surely, You are in me, and there is no other, no God besides You! May old habits be broken and ways of finding life apart from You be blocked! May all my unmet longings be satisfied in You!! Please instill in me a patience to wait for Christ to work in my heart as You woo me into your everlasting faithful loving arms. May i walk away from idols by focusing on YOU JESUS, and the wonder and the beauty of Christ. YOU are my beauty, You are my only delight, my ROCK my REDEEMER!!

speed zone ahead

It's a long unaccompanied drive on a series of mostly two-lane backroads from Montevallo to my home, and this time of year i usually get to enjoy the sun shining its last rays of glory onto the dusky sky. Its been a frequent habit of the Lord's to set aside this stretch of time to speak to me, to romance me. Through music - loud music. Through the woods, the small towns, the open fields I drive through. Through the blustery wind whipping through my open windows. I know it's bad, and I deserve a big fat ticket, but sometimes, i really just wanna slam it and drive 90 miles an hour! I pass a lightpost from which a small sign hangs that could easily be missed. It says simply "GOD IS LOVE" and it is beautiful to me.

And can I just add how much I am enjoying this summer weather so far!?!? This weekend, a group of 24 birminghamians and I took a trip to catch some rays at my sister's lovely beach house "it's five o'clock somewhere" in seacrest beach, Fl. It was incredible!! It was so good to spend time with friends and see the Bham crew grow closer together! I haven't had that much fun with that many people in a really long time. We played volleyball nonstop (go G.A.T.A.!!!), watched a school of dolphins swim by us, played on the beach at night, got crazy, got relaxed, cooked an amazing dinner in, went out, sat out on the front porch like old men from small town, alabama, almost got struck by lightning (well at least Heather Smith did), and saw about fifty shooting stars while reciting rap lyrics (oh yes), and smoked more cigars than i have had in a long time. thanks to kate, i'm becoming a nicotine-addict. haha!