the flow of His life

may 6 will mark one year of livin in the ham. it's been quite a journey and i'm so thankful for the experiences that i have had here so far. blessings have been overwhelming - a wonderful church, a transparent pastor, awesome friends...just to name a few.

at the same time, it has been a very challenging year. trials, unmet expectations, disappointments, failures...but i would have to say that all of these have brought me back down to my knees in total surrender...a place i desire to remain. katie b has been walking me through the gracelife studies and steps to freedom (the stuff she did last summer in Charlotte) which has been AMAZING. i am beginning to learn to really bank on the TRUTH of who God is and who He says I am. slowly but surely, God is showing me how the truth, HIMSELF, is so essential to ALL OF LIFE.

The Lord is in charge of my heart, my life, and IS intimately involved with every detail. if you wear glasses, you will understand this illustration...have you ever looked through your glasses backwards? you can still see...but everything looks a little warped. I think God has taken my "glasses" off and put them back on correctly this year. it's funny how warped our "vision" can be and we aren't aware of it until the glasses are put on correctly. not to say that i see things totally clear now because CLEARLY i continue to make mistakes!! but i know that in "repentance and rest is my salvation". and God is so faithful to His promises, His pledges to us. He still loved me even when I pushed Him away. and no human being is capable of loving like that.

Something has been stirring in me the last few weeks...a deep longing for something more...I wish I could play Sara Groves's "Maybe There's A Loving God" - it is my favorite song of all time and i feel like it captures what i have been experiencing/feeling. I couldn't put my finger on it for a while, but it was STRONG. It has made me want to drive really fast, stand in the pouring rain, smoke a million cigars, turn the music up way too loud...anything extreme. And yesterday it hit me...it is, of course, GOD Himself! I want to feel so alive. HE IS LIFE. I want more. HE IS MORE. I want to be part of something larger than myself. GOD AND I HAVE BEEN JOINED TOGETHER AND I AM A PART OF HIS STORY.

Once again, Jesus i welcome the flow of Your life through me! I welcome disappointments, I welcome failures, I welcome unmet expectations, I welcome blessings, WHATEVER it takes to know You and the power of Your gospel. Surely, You are in me, and there is no other, no God besides You! May old habits be broken and ways of finding life apart from You be blocked! May all my unmet longings be satisfied in You!! Please instill in me a patience to wait for Christ to work in my heart as You woo me into your everlasting faithful loving arms. May i walk away from idols by focusing on YOU JESUS, and the wonder and the beauty of Christ. YOU are my beauty, You are my only delight, my ROCK my REDEEMER!!

speed zone ahead

It's a long unaccompanied drive on a series of mostly two-lane backroads from Montevallo to my home, and this time of year i usually get to enjoy the sun shining its last rays of glory onto the dusky sky. Its been a frequent habit of the Lord's to set aside this stretch of time to speak to me, to romance me. Through music - loud music. Through the woods, the small towns, the open fields I drive through. Through the blustery wind whipping through my open windows. I know it's bad, and I deserve a big fat ticket, but sometimes, i really just wanna slam it and drive 90 miles an hour! I pass a lightpost from which a small sign hangs that could easily be missed. It says simply "GOD IS LOVE" and it is beautiful to me.

And can I just add how much I am enjoying this summer weather so far!?!? This weekend, a group of 24 birminghamians and I took a trip to catch some rays at my sister's lovely beach house "it's five o'clock somewhere" in seacrest beach, Fl. It was incredible!! It was so good to spend time with friends and see the Bham crew grow closer together! I haven't had that much fun with that many people in a really long time. We played volleyball nonstop (go G.A.T.A.!!!), watched a school of dolphins swim by us, played on the beach at night, got crazy, got relaxed, cooked an amazing dinner in, went out, sat out on the front porch like old men from small town, alabama, almost got struck by lightning (well at least Heather Smith did), and saw about fifty shooting stars while reciting rap lyrics (oh yes), and smoked more cigars than i have had in a long time. thanks to kate, i'm becoming a nicotine-addict. haha!

You have not been forgotten.

I thoroughly enjoyed this Easter weekend. Jesus is wooing me closer to Himself. Monte Starks is teaching a 12 week series at EPIC (singles sunday school at OMPC) entitled "Jesus the Person: He Looks, He Feels, He Acts". He has taken us through several passages examining how Jesus reacted to people in different situations. He didn't just see them, he LOOKED at them and He FELT for them.

This week he talked a little bit about how Jesus looked at his mother Mary as he was dying on the cross. John 19:26-27 says

"When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, 'Woman, behold, your son!' Then He said to the disciple, 'Behold, your mother!' And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home."

It struck me that at His absolute most emptiest, most painful moments, Jesus thought about something other than the blood, pain, the ugliness of sin that was upon Him for the first time in eternity, and the separation from Father...He looked at his earthly mother and saw her heart. Who knows exactly what she was feeling at that moment...but I wonder if she felt alone, abandoned, afraid. And her Jesus looked at her with heartfelt compassion and said (basically) "I have not forgotten about you. I am not abandoning you. Let this man take care of you when I am gone."

"The beloved of the Lord dwells in safety. The High God surrounds Him all day long, and dwells between His shoulders." - Deuteronomy 33:12

"And I will be to her a wall of fire all around, declares the Lord, and I will be the glory in her midst." - Zechariah 2:5

"Therefore, the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and He exalts Himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him." - Isaiah 30:18

"For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him. He only is my Rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my wholeness and my glory; my mighty Rock, my refuge is God." - Psalm 62:5-7

Jesus, i will go where you lead me because with You my soul is safe. I trust, I believe in the completeness of Your life and I am trusting that you are forming Christ's character in me. I welcome the flow of your life through me! This is my freedom: come work in me, whatever it takes for me to know You and understand You, whatever it takes for the life of Christ to be manifested! Thank you that i can KNOW that you orchestrate even the smallest of details to point back to You. I can rest and know that no matter what happens or doesn't happen, You have a purpose in it - and that is to draw me closer to your heart! How wonderful is our God!

bella giornata

I love this weather!!!!! Yay for saturdays, sunshine, and windows rolled down in the magic city!! i really do love the 'ham...i know the lord wants my roots to grow deeper in this town. even though i miss auburn and the college life, my jesus has carried me here on purpose. i do not get to spend easter with my family but i do get to attend service at Oak Mountain, a wonderful jesus-centered, community-driven, gospel-believing church!

it's been a super-fun week...i got to turn in my portfolio (A HUGE RELIEF), met with michelle (i love this girl!) to do a tim keller bible study on romans (HOLLA!), had dinner at kate's who has the most amazing pad in all of homewood, got to go out with my dear friends from grad school, dug into the word and prayed with my DEAREST heart friend Katie B (read her blog, she's a stud), finally bought eastmountainsouth's cd (LOVE IT!!!), hung out with jimmy (one of my dearest guy friends), kate, and katie b at fish market and lifehouse at alabama theatre, went on an escapade for linen at jcrew with my doctor friend, and saw the incredibly STUPID but actually pretty entertaining benchwarmers, and enjoyed just spending time with dear friends of bham.

and next weekend, a crew of 21 people are heading down to my sister's LOVELY beach house for a hoppin good time. let me just brag on my sister's house - it is AMAZING. here's a photo:



i just can't wait!!! this could quite possibly be the bham crew's most anticipated trip of the year. HECK YES!

looking to Jesus...

It's been a hard couple of weeks...i feel like i have been working nonstop on my portfolio for graduate school for a million years! i turn it in on monday...and then it will all be over!

I am tired.

No, I'm exhausted.

I lack discipline.

I lack motivation.


I have been looking forward to Monday for a while now...I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. But my Jesus whispers, I AM HERE NOW. I am ENOUGH. I AM the light at the end of the tunnel. Getting this work done brings only temporary relief. Even though this ridiculously big project eats up my time and my energy, it has a purpose. My heart will trust. so i look to Jesus.

He is STRENGTH.

He is my motivation.

He is discipline in me.


"looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." - Hebrews 12:2

This week, I heard a teacher tell a misbehaving student "you need to do what you should and not what you want to all of the time!" hearing this, i felt i had been thumped in the head. there is value in obedience. there is value in discipline....it is the vehicle that drives us to Jesus. and we have been called to be servants...but not necessarily in terms of fulfilling a task because HE HAS ALREADY FULFILLED IT; we have been given a position of high importance and value - we have been called servants in the terms of a RELATIONSHIP.

"but you, Israel, my servant, Jacob, whom I have chosen, the offspring of Abraham, my friend; you whom I took from the ends of the earth, and called from its farthest corners, saying to you, 'You are my servant, I have chosen you and not cast you off'; fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." - Isaiah 41: 9-10

"He gives power to the faint and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." - Isaiah 40: 29-31