why are You still here with me?

katie played this song for me in the car a couple of months ago. something about this song stirred a part of my heart that hadn't felt touched in a while.

ever experience that?

so i finally got a copy of the song for myself. listened to it on the way home tonight. and wow. the tears came pouring out. and I'm laughing. MY GOD IS SO AMAZING. He loves me...so much!

"why are you still here with me?
didn't you see what I've done?
in my shame I want to run
and hide myself
but it's here I see the truth
I don't deserve You

but I need you to love me and I
I won't keep my heart from you
this time
And I'll stop this pretending
that I can somehow deserve what I already have
I need you to love me

I have wasted so much time
pushing You away from me
I just never saw how You
could cherish me!
Cuz You're a God who has all things
but still you want me

and I need you to love me
and I won't keep my heart You
this time
And I'll stop this pretending
that I can somehow deserve what I already have

Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been
And I need you to love me"

lately i have felt so separated from my own heart. and consequently I think I have attempted to keep Father at arms length. old ways of living independently of God have subtly crept up. or maybe they were there all along and He's just revealing them to me? i guess it doesn't matter. either way, He is revealing them to me NOT to show me how I am failing Him or that He's disappointed in me, but to bring me closer to Him. WOW. He wants more of me. He's a God who has all things - yet still He wants me!

Sara Groves has an amazing new cd out and I highly recommend it. In one of her songs she talks about an awakening to the beauty that surrounds her and how alive she can really be and feel. About this time last year, Father started to show me how He romances me. I think this song captures His heartbeat in me.

Just Showed Up by Sara Groves and Joel Hanson

I'm going to live my life inspired
Look for the holy in the common place
Open the windows and feel all that's honest and real
until I'm truly amazed

I'm going to feel all my emotions
I'm going to look you in the eyes
I'm going to listen and hear
until it's finally clear and it changes our lives

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real
...Oh the glory of God is man fully alive"