One Big Love

Excerpts from this week's readings of the devotional by Oswald Chamber's - My Utmost for His Highest

2007-03-29T18:19:00.000-07:00

March 28th.

ISN'T THERE SOME MISUNDERSTANDING?

"Let us go into Judea. His disciples say unto Him . . . Goest Thou thither again?" John 11:7-8

"I may not understand what Jesus Christ says, but it is dangerous to say that therefore He was mistaken in what He said. It is never right to think that my obedience to a word of God will bring dishonour to Jesus. The only thing that will bring dishonour is not obeying Him. To put my view of His honour in place of what He is plainly impelling me to do is never right, although it may arise from a real desire to prevent Him being put to open shame. I know when the proposition comes from God because of its quiet persistence: When I have to weigh the pros and cons, and doubt and debate come in, I am bringing in an element that is not of God, and I come to the conclusion that the suggestion was not a right one. Many of us are loyal to our notions of Jesus Christ, but how many of us are loyal to Him? Loyalty to Jesus means I have to step out where I do not see anything (cf. Matt. 14:29); loyalty to my notions means that I clear the ground first by my intelligence. Faith is not intelligent understanding, faith is deliberate commitment to a Person where I see no way.

Are you debating whether to take a step in faith in Jesus or to wait until you can see how to do the thing yourself? Obey Him with glad reckless joy. When He says something and you begin to debate, it is because you have a conception of His honour which is not His honour. Are you loyal to Jesus or loyal to your notion of Him? Are you loyal to what He says, or are you trying to compromise with conceptions which never came from Him? "Whatsoever He saith unto you, do it." "

March 21st.

Interest or Identification?

Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ"

"And the life which I now live in the flesh . . . ," not the life which I long to live and pray to live, but the life I now live in my mortal flesh, the life which men can see, "I live by the faith of the Son of God." This faith is not Paul's faith in Jesus Christ, but the faith that the Son of God has imparted to him - "the faith of the Son of God." It is no longer faith in faith, but faith which has overleapt all conscious bounds, the identical faith of the Son of God.

March 29th.

Our Lord's Surprise Visits.

"If you are "looking off unto Jesus," avoiding the call of the religious age you live in, and setting your heart on what He wants, on thinking on His line - you will be called unpractical and dreamy; but when He appears in the burden and the heat of the day, you will be the only one who is ready. Trust no one, not even the finest saint who ever walked this earth, ignore him, if he hinders your sight of Jesus Christ."

a lab and a lamb

2006-12-29T09:14:00.000-08:00

this is my puppy parker.

and he is precious. seriously, the sweetest, most gentle and loving dog i have ever met. and one of the neediest.

it's adorable how he follows me around the house - he wants to be right by my side allll the time. sometimes when i'm showering, he whimpers because he thinks he's lost me.

and apparently parker is taking lessons from houdini (i'm sure thats spelled wrong but you know who i'm talking about) on how to escape without leaving any trace of effort. if i ever leave the house for more than an hour, somehow, someway parker finds a way out of our fenced-in backyard. thankfully, our wonderful neighbors find him almost every time.

and how can i get mad at him? he is just so dependent on me and misses me terribly! and sometimes i don't get why he loves me - i'm nowhere near a perfect mom....and i can be kind of hard on him. despite that, his excitement to be around me never changes.

and i think to myself...that is the kind of disposition i want and the attitude i desire to have toward God. ...a deep awareness of my total need for God and reckless determination to be near Him ...because of a firm belief in His goodness!

this little puppy of mine ...a lowly lab reveals the beautiful temperament of a lamb of God.

musings on prayer, life, and discipline

2006-10-29T17:03:00.000-08:00

i feel like i am at a small turning point in my understanding and appreciation of the balance between grace and discipline. that is, that i don't think there is a balance. grace and discipline do not have to be separate. really, it is a gift of grace to be disciplined. disciplining ourselves in light of grace opens our heart up to receive and experience more grace. conversely, experiencing grace motivates and inspires us to be disciplined. they are connected, woven together - not to be separated.

be to do to be to do.

i'm figuring out that i live independently of God probably about 90% of the time. even in reading and studying the word - sometimes i even pray without really engaging with God. and in studying and growing in knowledge of the word is futile unless we are engaged with God because "knowledge puffs up" and true believers "worship God in SPIRIT and in truth". even though i (the new susan) desire to grow and know God more and even if i try to discipline myself i fall.

the key is knowing that my new nature is not enough - i cannot just apply my will in tough discipline (romans 7:18). i must lean hard upon divine grace - GOD is my only hope, not me or anything i can do. my point is this: if our new nature lives in self-sufficiency and self-reliance, it will always be defeated. bob flayhart says that "it is only as we hope in the power of the Holy Spirit that we can defeat temptation...the new nature hoping desperately in Christ is able to face temptation"

but the more i learn, the more i realize i just don't know. katie b and i were talking this afternoon about bob flayhart and how every time we hear the gospel at oak mountain, it makes us realize how much we just don't know! there is so much to know! i wanna know everything! now! ...

craig branch gave me this illustration recently: the reality of God is like a sphere and each experience/revelation of God is like a straight shot through the sphere - we receive a new perspective and understanding of God's truth, grace, and His life each time we pass through. we can never behold it all at once - that would be impossible now. but he is continually moving us through this sphere - we never really exit it whether we are aware of it or not.

"The abiding REALITY is God, and His order comes through the moments. Am I always in contact with Reality, or do I only pray when there is a disturbance in the moments of my life?" - oswald chambers

i wanna live in the sphere! i guess the reality is that i do. open the eyes of my heart, Lord.

my list

2006-05-11T03:16:00.000-07:00

i have been giving itunes way too much money lately. oh well. here's my top whatever music list. some are old. some are new.

Falling out of love - Aqualung
Second Chances - Paper Route
Son's Gonna Rise - Citizen Cope
Orange Sky - Alexi Murdoch
Can't take it in - Imogen Heap
Blessed to be a witness - Ben Harper
Kingdom Comes - Sara Groves
Boy on the Moon - The Daylights
You Dance - Eastmountainsouth
Glosoli - Sigur Ros
Extreme Ways - Moby
Crazy - Gnarls Barkley
Still Ballin - 2pac (the edited version, of course)
Where'd you go? - Fort Minor
Georgia - Field Mob, Jamie Foxx, and Ludacris
Is This Love? - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Very Loud - Shout Out Louds

song.

2006-05-02T16:40:00.000-07:00

aqualung is becoming one of my top 10 favorites. i don't care that everyone and their brother likes them. this is the song i just haven't gotten enough of. couldn't find 'em on myspace to play it on my prof, so i put the lyrics here. enjoy.

"Good Times Gonna Come"

Need to know
If you're letting go
It's alright,alright, it's alright
Didn't know I was hurting you so
It's alright, alright, it's alright.

You came to me from nowhere
With nothing
And no-one
Hold tight, hold tight, hold tight
Goes to show
You never really know
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright

This is just one of those
Lonely night
The good times gonna come

See me then
Investing so much
In you, in you, in you
Came so close
To the edge I do, I do, I do

This is just one of those
Lonely night
The good times gonna come

In the end
We let it go away
We let it float away
On the breeze
'Round the bend
The sun is in the sky
It's starting to look like
It's gonna be, yeah, it's gonna be
A bright
Beautiful day
Yeah, the good times gonna come, oh no
The good times gonna come, yeah, yeah,

This is just one of those
Lonely night
The good times gonna come, oh,
The good times gonna come, oh yeah
The good times gonna come, ohh
The good times gonna come, yeah.
Need to know if you're letting go
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright

the flow of His life

2006-04-30T23:13:00.000-07:00

may 6 will mark one year of livin in the ham. it's been quite a journey and i'm so thankful for the experiences that i have had here so far. blessings have been overwhelming - a wonderful church, a transparent pastor, awesome friends...just to name a few.

at the same time, it has been a very challenging year. trials, unmet expectations, disappointments, failures...but i would have to say that all of these have brought me back down to my knees in total surrender...a place i desire to remain. katie b has been walking me through the gracelife studies and steps to freedom (the stuff she did last summer in Charlotte) which has been AMAZING. i am beginning to learn to really bank on the TRUTH of who God is and who He says I am. slowly but surely, God is showing me how the truth, HIMSELF, is so essential to ALL OF LIFE.

The Lord is in charge of my heart, my life, and IS intimately involved with every detail. if you wear glasses, you will understand this illustration...have you ever looked through your glasses backwards? you can still see...but everything looks a little warped. I think God has taken my "glasses" off and put them back on correctly this year. it's funny how warped our "vision" can be and we aren't aware of it until the glasses are put on correctly. not to say that i see things totally clear now because CLEARLY i continue to make mistakes!! but i know that in "repentance and rest is my salvation". and God is so faithful to His promises, His pledges to us. He still loved me even when I pushed Him away. and no human being is capable of loving like that.

Something has been stirring in me the last few weeks...a deep longing for something more...I wish I could play Sara Groves's "Maybe There's A Loving God" - it is my favorite song of all time and i feel like it captures what i have been experiencing/feeling. I couldn't put my finger on it for a while, but it was STRONG. It has made me want to drive really fast, stand in the pouring rain, smoke a million cigars, turn the music up way too loud...anything extreme. And yesterday it hit me...it is, of course, GOD Himself! I want to feel so alive. HE IS LIFE. I want more. HE IS MORE. I want to be part of something larger than myself. GOD AND I HAVE BEEN JOINED TOGETHER AND I AM A PART OF HIS STORY.

Once again, Jesus i welcome the flow of Your life through me! I welcome disappointments, I welcome failures, I welcome unmet expectations, I welcome blessings, WHATEVER it takes to know You and the power of Your gospel. Surely, You are in me, and there is no other, no God besides You! May old habits be broken and ways of finding life apart from You be blocked! May all my unmet longings be satisfied in You!! Please instill in me a patience to wait for Christ to work in my heart as You woo me into your everlasting faithful loving arms. May i walk away from idols by focusing on YOU JESUS, and the wonder and the beauty of Christ. YOU are my beauty, You are my only delight, my ROCK my REDEEMER!!

speed zone ahead

2006-04-25T18:07:00.000-07:00

It's a long unaccompanied drive on a series of mostly two-lane backroads from Montevallo to my home, and this time of year i usually get to enjoy the sun shining its last rays of glory onto the dusky sky. Its been a frequent habit of the Lord's to set aside this stretch of time to speak to me, to romance me. Through music - loud music. Through the woods, the small towns, the open fields I drive through. Through the blustery wind whipping through my open windows. I know it's bad, and I deserve a big fat ticket, but sometimes, i really just wanna slam it and drive 90 miles an hour! I pass a lightpost from which a small sign hangs that could easily be missed. It says simply "GOD IS LOVE" and it is beautiful to me.

And can I just add how much I am enjoying this summer weather so far!?!? This weekend, a group of 24 birminghamians and I took a trip to catch some rays at my sister's lovely beach house "it's five o'clock somewhere" in seacrest beach, Fl. It was incredible!! It was so good to spend time with friends and see the Bham crew grow closer together! I haven't had that much fun with that many people in a really long time. We played volleyball nonstop (go G.A.T.A.!!!), watched a school of dolphins swim by us, played on the beach at night, got crazy, got relaxed, cooked an amazing dinner in, went out, sat out on the front porch like old men from small town, alabama, almost got struck by lightning (well at least Heather Smith did), and saw about fifty shooting stars while reciting rap lyrics (oh yes), and smoked more cigars than i have had in a long time. thanks to kate, i'm becoming a nicotine-addict. haha!

You have not been forgotten.

2006-04-17T23:05:00.000-07:00

I thoroughly enjoyed this Easter weekend. Jesus is wooing me closer to Himself. Monte Starks is teaching a 12 week series at EPIC (singles sunday school at OMPC) entitled "Jesus the Person: He Looks, He Feels, He Acts". He has taken us through several passages examining how Jesus reacted to people in different situations. He didn't just see them, he LOOKED at them and He FELT for them.

This week he talked a little bit about how Jesus looked at his mother Mary as he was dying on the cross. John 19:26-27 says

"When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, 'Woman, behold, your son!' Then He said to the disciple, 'Behold, your mother!' And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home."

It struck me that at His absolute most emptiest, most painful moments, Jesus thought about something other than the blood, pain, the ugliness of sin that was upon Him for the first time in eternity, and the separation from Father...He looked at his earthly mother and saw her heart. Who knows exactly what she was feeling at that moment...but I wonder if she felt alone, abandoned, afraid. And her Jesus looked at her with heartfelt compassion and said (basically) "I have not forgotten about you. I am not abandoning you. Let this man take care of you when I am gone."

"The beloved of the Lord dwells in safety. The High God surrounds Him all day long, and dwells between His shoulders." - Deuteronomy 33:12

"And I will be to her a wall of fire all around, declares the Lord, and I will be the glory in her midst." - Zechariah 2:5

"Therefore, the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and He exalts Himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him." - Isaiah 30:18

"For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him. He only is my Rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my wholeness and my glory; my mighty Rock, my refuge is God." - Psalm 62:5-7

Jesus, i will go where you lead me because with You my soul is safe. I trust, I believe in the completeness of Your life and I am trusting that you are forming Christ's character in me. I welcome the flow of your life through me! This is my freedom: come work in me, whatever it takes for me to know You and understand You, whatever it takes for the life of Christ to be manifested! Thank you that i can KNOW that you orchestrate even the smallest of details to point back to You. I can rest and know that no matter what happens or doesn't happen, You have a purpose in it - and that is to draw me closer to your heart! How wonderful is our God!

bella giornata

2006-04-15T11:40:00.000-07:00

I love this weather!!!!! Yay for saturdays, sunshine, and windows rolled down in the magic city!! i really do love the 'ham...i know the lord wants my roots to grow deeper in this town. even though i miss auburn and the college life, my jesus has carried me here on purpose. i do not get to spend easter with my family but i do get to attend service at Oak Mountain, a wonderful jesus-centered, community-driven, gospel-believing church!

it's been a super-fun week...i got to turn in my portfolio (A HUGE RELIEF), met with michelle (i love this girl!) to do a tim keller bible study on romans (HOLLA!), had dinner at kate's who has the most amazing pad in all of homewood, got to go out with my dear friends from grad school, dug into the word and prayed with my DEAREST heart friend Katie B (read her blog, she's a stud), finally bought eastmountainsouth's cd (LOVE IT!!!), hung out with jimmy (one of my dearest guy friends), kate, and katie b at fish market and lifehouse at alabama theatre, went on an escapade for linen at jcrew with my doctor friend, and saw the incredibly STUPID but actually pretty entertaining benchwarmers, and enjoyed just spending time with dear friends of bham.

and next weekend, a crew of 21 people are heading down to my sister's LOVELY beach house for a hoppin good time. let me just brag on my sister's house - it is AMAZING. here's a photo:

i just can't wait!!! this could quite possibly be the bham crew's most anticipated trip of the year. HECK YES!

looking to Jesus...

2006-04-06T13:41:00.000-07:00

It's been a hard couple of weeks...i feel like i have been working nonstop on my portfolio for graduate school for a million years! i turn it in on monday...and then it will all be over!

I am tired.

No, I'm exhausted.

I lack discipline.

I lack motivation.

I have been looking forward to Monday for a while now...I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. But my Jesus whispers, I AM HERE NOW. I am ENOUGH. I AM the light at the end of the tunnel. Getting this work done brings only temporary relief. Even though this ridiculously big project eats up my time and my energy, it has a purpose. My heart will trust. so i look to Jesus.

He is STRENGTH.

He is my motivation.

He is discipline in me.

"looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." - Hebrews 12:2

This week, I heard a teacher tell a misbehaving student "you need to do what you should and not what you want to all of the time!" hearing this, i felt i had been thumped in the head. there is value in obedience. there is value in discipline....it is the vehicle that drives us to Jesus. and we have been called to be servants...but not necessarily in terms of fulfilling a task because HE HAS ALREADY FULFILLED IT; we have been given a position of high importance and value - we have been called servants in the terms of a RELATIONSHIP.

"but you, Israel, my servant, Jacob, whom I have chosen, the offspring of Abraham, my friend; you whom I took from the ends of the earth, and called from its farthest corners, saying to you, 'You are my servant, I have chosen you and not cast you off'; fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." - Isaiah 41: 9-10

"He gives power to the faint and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." - Isaiah 40: 29-31

to own a dragon

2006-03-27T04:00:00.000-08:00

It's late...well early... and I just finished donald miller's new book To Own a Dragon. And in finishing it, I feel like I have just sat down with an old friend to catch up on life. the book is a reflection on growing up without a father. even though i have a great dad i still feel thoroughly blessed by this book.

don [i address him as if he is a close friend. he is. ha] tells a story about a documentary he watched about elephants in Africa. I think there is a lot to be learned from an elephant. anyway, during the "teenage" years of elephant life, the boy elephants were experiencing feelings of frustration and dealt with them violently and aggressively. during this short period of time (only lasting a few days usually) the elephants seem to have forgotten how to be elephants. don says "i couldn't help but identify...there have been times in my life when I didn't know exactly how to be. I mean there were feelings, sometimes anger, sometimes depression, sometimes raging lust, and i was never sure what any of it was about. I just felt like killing somebody, or sleeping with some girl, or decking a guy in a bar, and I didn't know what to do with any of these feelings...I wasn't sure how to...well, be a man." back to the elephants - during this period of frustration, the male departs from his mom in search of an older male elephant, a mentor, as don puts it. when the elephant finds a mentor, this "musth" or "adolescent" cycle ends. "the older and younger begin to travel together, to find food together, to protect each other - the older one teaching the younger what elephant strength is for, and how to use it for the benefit of himself and the tribe. watching television that night, i wondered if humans aren't like that, too. i began to wonder if we guys weren't meant to have a father, whose very presence would cause us to understand more accurately what our muscle is for, what we are supposed to do with our energy." (chapter two)

later on in the book, he parallels this story with the "pagans" of romans 1...they decided against God, they did not control themselves, and gave themselves over to the lusts of their flesh...."they didn't know how to be humans, really"

"relationships unlock certain parts of who we are supposed to be...being in a relationship with God helps us understand who we are and become who we are designed to become. and so in a way, it seemed like God was supposed to be the bigger, older elephant to those guys who were messing everything up in Rome. And the reason they were messing up their lives because they didn't want anything to do with Him."

in the acknowledgements at the end of the book, miller includes a list of musical artists that he listened to while writing which includes sara groves (MY HERO!), johnny cash, david wilcox, ben harper, derek webb, jars of clay, u2, gary jules, ray charles, lyle lovett bob schneider, ryan adams, willie nelson, jeff buckley, the waterboys, the alarm, big head todd, mogwai, kanye west, audioslave, the blind boys of alabama, and beck. Don made an I-Mix on I-tunes called "to own a dragon" that includes some of these artists...it's really good. i feel like it makes the truths and stories of this book sink down deeper.

my favorite book

2006-03-01T15:11:00.000-08:00

This is an excerpt from my favorite book...The Mystical Now: Art and The Sacred by Wendy Beckett

Christmas Painting by Craigie Aitchison

"Over the years, Craigie Aitchison has refined his art to an intense simplicity. There are few actors and few colours in Christmas Painting, but every element is alive with meaning. Christmas is the season when we celebrate new life at a time when the year dies, when nature seems dead. Nothing grows externally, but within humanity is offered a newness of life that can become as great as we are prepared to let it be.
In this painting, there is only one animate creature, Aitchison's dog, surrogate for human presence. He is alone, (as are we all), but he is also still and attentive, as all too often we are not...the dog is innocent. He is consequently unafraid of his loneliness, almost unaware, it appears, of the emptiness stretching away into infinity on either side. He does not even turn his head towards the horizon where new hope is dawning, a long, radiant line of flickering light, mysteriously empurpled. The ominous colour reminds us that our new life is destined to meet with suffering and end in death, yet the death is only temporary.
The Christmas story proclaims that from now on we pass through death into life; yet the dog does not ponder these mysteries. All his attention is on the little tree, that tender intensity of colour, that crucified shape that is both Jesus and Tree. On either branch - either arm - there shines the bright green of new leaves, and the more verdant of the arms spreads itself over the head of the waiting animal. High in the darkness, in the heavens beyond reach, one slight star reiterates the proclamation of salvation. The darkness will never be too much for us, never be overwhelming: there will always be light to guide us into the divine security of God's love. But this proclamation can only come to us if we are too silent and attentive.

We do not need to 'understand' it, any more than the dog does.

We need only to wait, to allow the wonder to embrace us in our human reality. It is our 'animal', our true earthly self that God comes to make holy. There is no inflated imagery in Aitchison's painting; there are no spirits or angels, just animality accepted. The little dog is alight with a heavenly blueness, the beauty of Faith making beautiful."

a life by faith

2006-02-12T14:49:00.000-08:00

can i just say that i dearly enjoy Bob Flayhart? In a few short weeks a bunch of kids from the singles and I will be joining Oak Mountain Presbyterian Church and I am so excited!

Here are some of the things that I took away from the sermon today. It's mostly Bob, with a pinch of Suz.

all day long we exalt human pragmatics, practicalism, and behavioralism. we praise the one who "has it all together". FILTHY RAGS!

the power of the christian life is NOT in our own discipline; it is in Christ. Practicality and discipline have their place but we must understand that there is no power in them! the ONLY power in the universe is Christ and He can be tapped into by FAITH! "it is by grace you have been saved through faith" and we live solely by faith - anything outside of that is living independently of God... a.k.a. sin!

has your joy vanished? are you feeling down or depressed? did you know that spiritual joy is a BY-PRODUCT of trusting in Christ?! without discounting the fact that some people just have a chemical problem and suffer from continual emotional pain...it could be that you are feeling low because of your unbelief? this may sound harsh...but look at the flipside...all that Jesus requires of us is to believe Him! and when we rest and trust in the love of Christ, supernatural power is poured out on us!

Rest - to remain in a settled spot, to be glued immovably and fixedly on one spot (JESUS!)

Trust - to repose upon, to put your entire weight on

are you sitting in a chair right now? does the thought even cross your mind that this chair could break underneath your weight? no, most likely not. today, i realized that i trust more readily in this chair (and so many things) than my heavenly Father! yet, He is MORE, no MOST trustworthy of all! how much we live by sight and not by faith!

but praise the Lord, we do not despair because our sanctification is not up to us! It is HIS work in us! and this receiving system is all for the purpose of a relationship with Him.

and one more thought not from the sermon...
when i/you/we are frustrated with ourselves when we sin, are we not essentially asking "GAH, why am I not more perfect?!?"
"But if our unrighteousness serves to show the righteousness of God, what shall we say?" - Romans 3:5
more thoughts on this later...

it's about knowing a Person

2006-01-13T13:53:00.000-08:00

I have been meaning to write a follow-up to the post "the Word, Jesus" but have felt that the mini-journey with God on that subject was not quite over. In other words, my mind still had a drawer full of questions and God still had some more things to say and do with my heart.

I took a break from reading the Bible (gasp!) and shifted my focus solely to listening to the Spirit of God within me...in a sort of experimental way. My desire was still the same - all I ever really want is more of HIM! However I can get Him. This may sound blasphemous, but I think I was a little dissatisfied with my relationship with God. Not that God is not enough because HE is, but I had come to a wall and the Lord wanted to show me the way over it.

Evidence that God was not finished with me on this subject came first at Passion in Nashville (woopwoop!) I was on the long trek to community groups Wednesday night and saw Beth Moore walking two feet in front of me arm in arm with her daughters. I HAD TO TALK TO HER. I really didn't want to bother her but felt that she would be an appropriate person to ask since she has always expressed her deep love for God's word. I don't remember exactly what I said but I did ask her a few questions from "the Word, Jesus" post. I do, however, remember exactly what she said..."all I'm gonna say is just go to Psalm 119 and replace the word 'law' with 'word' [as in God's word]" She thanked me for asking those questions and of course I thanked her profusely for taking the time to listen!

"my soul is consumed with longing for your [words] at all times." - v.20

"give me life according to your word" - v.25

"strengthen me according to your word!" - v. 28

"my soul longs for your salvation; I hope in your word" - v. 81

"forever, O Lord, your word is firmly fixed in the heavens" - v.89

"your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path" - v.105

"your testimonies are my heritage forever, for they are the joy of my heart" - v. 111

and God also gave me later...

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing [God's truth, His word] so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope" - Romans 15:13

The second piece of evidence that God was not finished with me on this subject was the weekly sermon by John Piper I received a few days ago from Desiring God Ministries. It is entitled "How God's Word Produces our Work". Here is an excerpt:

"On December 21 when the urologist said, “Your prostate feels irregular, we need to do a biopsy,” and left me in the room alone to get ready, a stab of fear went through my heart. I had no Bible with me, but I had my memory. I prayed and called to mind the promises of God. And Christ came by his word with the sweetest peace, and I almost fell asleep on the table before the doctor came back. "

The Spirit of Christ "came by his word" and ministered to Piper's heart.

I think Brother Lawrence and Frank Laubach clinched it for me with a quote in Practicing His Presence,

"Almost it seems to me now that the very Bible cannot be read as a substitute for meeting God soul to soul and face to face."

I think this is my conclusion. If you were at Passion, you heard Louie G. talk about how the seed of the word of God really cannot be nurtured and matured unless it is accompanied by the actual cultivation action and communing with the Spirit of God. Therefore it is imperative that we, who wholeheartedly desire to know this living God, can do so through His word.

It's about knowing a person and not just what they have said...

I think it comes down to letting His Holy words sink deep into the soil of our soul via a moment by moment dependence on the Spirit of God (willfully choosing to believe that He is with you, living in you, looking you in the eyes and whispering "you are my precious one") and letting Him feed and mature that seed so that it may bring forth a harvest!

He calls me His dreamer

2005-12-29T10:25:00.000-08:00

This is a close up of small section of a new painting. So far it's just a color field with some distorted images popping through the background.

I painted all afternoon yesterday on my little back porch. AND IT WAS WONDERFUL.

Before I did this I was wandering around Homewood looking at houses. Each house that had a "for rent" or "for sale" sign had a sun room or porch and an easel, canvas, and paint brushes that could easily be seen from the road. I was kinda gettin freaked out because I had already planned on doing some painting.

I feel God's pleasure when I paint. And it's because I am being who He created me to be - myself... and I am (we are) a reflection of His beauty. The creator, the dreamer, the imaginative God has left his mark on me. I love being an artist.

Jacob's Dream by Museo Del Prado, Madrid 1639

"love woke me up this morning

with a memory

love came and whispered a story

that awakened a dream

imagine a beautiful castle and a beautiful king...

I am a dreamer!

Take me higher

Open the sky up and start a fire"

"we come with beautiful secrets
we come with purposes written on our hearts, written on our souls"

I encourage you to find out what gives you God's pleasure and go do it!!!

The Word, Jesus

2005-12-28T22:16:00.000-08:00

here are some thoughts that have been churning up in the ole skull...

...been thinking a lot about the balance of dependence upon Jesus (the person who lives inside you and me) and the Word...not that they are two separate entities because clearly JESUS is the Word (John 1:1-3). However, everyday He reminds me how amazing it is that the actual presence of the person Jesus is LIVING in me! That's all I can think about lately - the Person, Jesus.

the Word is written and we have put it in a book and called it the Bible (something that the firstfruits of the church did not possess). It is what we go to (in general) to get to know Jesus, to become familiar with His story. It is definitely changed my life and many many lives. It is holy, it is His story.

question for thought: is the Word itself a PERSON? I mean, when we read those words and they breathe life to our heart, mind, soul, spirit - is that just the spirit of Jesus just using words to work in us or is it this more mystical mysterious happening - the ink on the pages of our bible is anointed, holy - the words themselves are a form of Jesus - like how Jesus formed himself into a human. Does He, the person, form Himself into words? i know I'm getting overly technical and probably going in circles ... call me curiously contemplative i guess

ALL I WANT IS MORE OF YOU, SWEET JESUS!!! and i guess He is showing me how He is not just found in the Word! He is making it more clear how His indwelling presence can be trusted in every way - JESUS STILL SPEAKS. The SPIRIT made to dwell in us is a PERSON and He ain't no silent type! Can I get an amen!

[[quick testimony: my friend leslie told me this story: one night she was driving back to auburn and was going the speed limit (70). she heard the Lord speak very clearly - "slow down to 65". at first she objected but soon conceded. not long after, a big white van passed her and got in her lane ahead of her. suddenly, a big dear ran out in front of the van and was hit. as leslie witnessed this event she knew that if she had not heard the voice of the lord, she would have been hurt very badly, even fatally. her car was very small and probably would have been overtaken by the deer. ]]

I know God is an all-knowing God and He knew before the end of time every word that would ever be put into this book called the Bible ("but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit" - 2 Peter 1:21) and He was and is in control of that. ...He also put His own mind and heart and Spirit within me. WOW. the wonder, the power, the mysteriousness of it all astonishes me.

I had breakfast with my friend Raegan this morning and she summed it up with this statement:
The Word is one way God reveals our sin which humbles us and draws us nearer to Him (the person).

"But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh" - Galatians 5:!6

"the Spirit gives life" - 2 Corinthians 3:6d

"let [us] hear what the Spirit says..." - Revelation 2:7

and here's an encouraging quote from an email from ktb in response to all this blabbing

"It's believing. It's listening...
Listen to the Spirit of Jesus communicating with your new spirit alive to Him. Soak it in. Ask Him if He would have you go to the word or He would have you to just listen. Ask Him how he wants to speak tonight. Ask Him how He loves you tonight. and Listen. and walk in faith by what you hear. test it. Take it to the word if need be. But most of all walk in faith. Faith that He is speaking, and He is living in and through you and all that Happens to you is so that the old dead susan stays in the coffin and the new regenerate susan is who you truly are."

AMEN! holla!

I'm obsessed!!!

2005-12-13T08:51:00.000-08:00

A customer brought one of these dogs into Anthropologie the other day - can you guess what breed it is? These dogs are super expensive and I will probably never own one, but I think they are precious!

As fierce as a lion, as gentle as a lamb

2005-12-09T23:17:00.000-08:00

I just got home from watching The Chronicles of Narnia.

My heart is reminded again of the fierceness and power of our King Jesus. As His daughter, and because my name is Susan too, I kept seeing myself as part of the story. The best quote from the movie (adapted from the first and last book) was "He's not a tame lion... but He's good"...I really liked the word oppositions - not tame, but good. HE IS WILD. He is unpredictable. He is mysterious. He comes and goes as He pleases. He definitely does His own thang, youknowwhati'msayin??

WILD Spirit of Jesus, flow freely in my heart!

sidenote: i loved Lucy's innocence, curiosity, honesty, and whole-hearted, simple belief and hope in her Aslan. She was the youngest, but her faith was the biggest. She believed even when nothing made sense. Nothing had to make sense for her to understand.

As Aslan denied himself and offered himself up to death by the hand of the white witch, images from the passion of the Christ (obviously and appropriately) kept flashing back and forth in my mind. I kept thinking about what Jesus heard and saw as He was tortured, mocked, and crucified. Not only did He see and hear the soldiers' mocking and shouting, but also (probably) hundreds of thousands of demons as well...I imagined an unbelievably loud roar of voices rejoicing at their (temporary and bogus) victory. Our King is alive! And the victory is ours! Hallelujah!

2005-12-08T12:51:00.000-08:00

I'm a little behind on this (it's day four of the prayer journey to Passion06) but I read this just now and was moved. I need to remember that I'm caught up in a bigger story and that my life is NOT my own - it is HIS! JOYFULLY I remember that I gave it all to you!!

This world is all battleground! Jesus, may we remember that this place is NOT supposed to feel like home - it's not our home! YOU are our HOME!

I talked to a friend yesterday who is about to move to a different city and confessed that he didn't really feel at home anywhere. I told him "that's good...because you are not at home"

Be sure to check their blog out if you haven't already...
I added a few emphases ...

28 Day Journey-Day Two

Tuesday 12//06//05

The Fight

"In case anyone has forgotten, we're not on blissful stroll through life. We are in a FIGHT. And it's not just some small conflict, either. We are in a war, a spiritual battle that rages all around us, darkness contending against light, and you and I are in the thick of it everyday whether we want to be or not. It is as Paul warned, "Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:11-12 The more we seek the cause of Jesus, the faster we find the fight.

That's why it came as no big surprise to me when Blogger.com (our home for the 268Blog and these Prayer Journey posts) crashed late Monday afternoon. While I'm sure there is a perfectly good explanation for why the site failed, I also feel we at Passion should have given fair warning to all the bloggers at Blogger.com that we were launching the Passion06 prayer focus on Monday so they could have anticipated a service outage.

No, we're not filled with spiritual paranoia, looking for the enemy behind every shadow and blaming each bump in the journey on some grand demonic scheme. But we have been at this for a while, and when major passion gatherings are on the horizon strange things happen. Trust me, we know we are in a fight (we have suffered costly loss), but we are not afraid. Realistic about the battle-yes. Scared to move forward-absolutely not! God is with us and He is our defender. That doesn't mean that we will escape the fray without wounds, (see Paul's life) but that we are convinced that "Greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world." 1 John 4:4

That's why the 28 Day Prayer Journey exists. We cannot go it alone and would be fools to proceed without fighting on our knees.

Today's prayer: Father, You alone are our Shield and Defender. Your name, O Lord, is a strong tower; the righteous run into You and find shelter. We know that we are in a raging battle today, a fight for Your glory and grace. And we know we are filled with the Light of Jesus Christ. We ask not that You remove us from the conflict, but that You cover us in Your care and demonstrate Your greatness no matter what comes our way. Our lives, and Passion 06, are in Your hands. Our trust is in You.

In Jesus' Name and the power of His blood, Amen.

All through the day: Defend us as we lift up Your name."

I'm a workplay junkie (at least I was this weekend)

2005-12-04T00:58:00.000-08:00

Howie Day at Workplay...
Mrs. Smith and I

and I'm lovin some Will Hoge...

Loop pedals, Michael Warren, Howie Day, and Will Hoge...it was all craziness! Friday, I went to see Howie Day with Meredith and Jared Smith and later met up with Margaret and her friend Gordon, and Kelly Ann (my bosses from Anthropologie). We got a booth in a great spot in the FRIGGIN MIDDLE OF WORKPLAY. If you have never been to workplay, just believe me when I say that it is the best seat in the house.

So we're sitting there enjoyin some M. Warren and Margaret gets a text message. FROM HOWIE DAY. Now, let me give you a little background information on this girl with amazing connections. Margaret is good friends with the lead singer of Jump Little Children and this guy named Elliott (who is a musician as well) and they know Howie. If I remember correctly, I think they have done a few shows together. That part is a little sketchy. THE IMPORTANT PART is that Howie flippin gave an invitation to come hang out after the show.

Sadly to say, Margaret had other plans and decided not to go. So we left straight after the show. (don't freak out - you have to understand that this girl is Ms. Cool...she does not get overly excited about meeting famous people).

The show was AMAZING. Let me just tell you how much I LOVE LOOP PEDALS. Howie was a one-man show but you really wouldn't have known it. He looped everything (with loop pedals!) He started out with drumming on his guitar for the beat, then he turned his guitar into a bass and took that base line for a walk, and then strummed for some background noise, and then started picking and singing Brace Yourself. I definitely would have to say that Ghost was my favorite song of the night. He did this funky voice thing that made it echo over and over - it was BEAUTIFUL.

And Will Hoge. AMAZING, AMAZING. If you have never heard of this guy - you have got to see him live. His cd is good but I think he is ten times better live. A friend from graduate school took me and he gave the best description I can think of for will..."He's got SOUL" and that is tha TRUFTH.

2005-11-28T07:59:00.000-08:00

i'm so proud of my camera phone. hehehe.

this picture makes me think of how God and I have been joined together as one. This is my view from the car on my way to my apartment. Beautiful, huh? Most of the time I admire the sky from afar and think of it as a separate entity from the world I live in. But it is not really separate. The sky surrounds our world completely. It encompasses is. The sky and our world are one. Yes it is above our atmospheric level. But it is part of us. We are part of it. We breathe it in and breath it out. And we behold its beauty.

I haven't posted anything in a while because God has been drudging my subconscious the last few weeks and nothing has really come up to the surface until a couple of days ago. In other words, a lot of indefinite things have been stirring in my soul and in my subconscious and nothing had quite pieced itself together yet...does this make sense? I have been asking Father to make His voice clear - that's ALL I want - to hear from Him. Not a solution. Not good advice. Nothing will substitute. Sometimes I feel like my soul/spirit is erupting like a volcano inside me because I want more of Him so badly. And He is trustworthy to give Me all I need and desire of Him.

My dear and close heart friend (ktb) :) reminded me last night that whatever I do, wherever I go is only a means to the end of knowing God. EVERYTHING that happens is (yes, even that stupid camry yesterday who cut me off so mean-heartedly in traffic) for the purpose of our KNOWING HIM. That's it.

And I tend to forget that. A lot. Lately the things have been getting my eyes off of Jesus are things like - where the heck am I going to go next year? What am I going to do? What job am I going to take? and Jesus is saying - stop worrying and realize that these questions in your mind are there on purpose to carry you to My embrace and comfort. Surrender you mind and heart. Rest and Trust. Eyes on Me.

katie told me to duck tape my eyes to Jesus. Maybe I need to weld them to Him. ha.

Even though my mind runs a million miles an hour it has been so good to know that I can relax and just be with Father - resting and trusting and knowing that (in the words of Jon Foreman) - All that's in my head is in Your hands...

love potion no.9

2005-11-09T22:44:00.000-08:00

All you need is love - woah buddy is that not the cliche statement of the century!! But this week, I have found it to be so true. Ever seen Love Potion No. 9? It's an oldie but definitely a goodie. It was just on TV the other day so I plopped myself down on the couch to watch. Sandra Bullock (this is one of her first films), an awkward and lonely young lady, buys this love potion from this genie lady. This potion is so potent that just one little diluted spray into her mouth has the most handsome guys on their knees begging for her attention.

One little drop did the trick.

This weekend was flooded with fatique, exhaustion, and deep craving and need for the affection of God. Why is it that I chose to go through days without it? I get so fed up with my self-destructive habits. Is it laziness? Is it bondage? Who knows. But there is no doubt that the sweet Spirit of Jesus knew exactly what He was doing. So I was brought to a point of brokenness because I just couldn't go any longer without Him and cried out (outloud) to Father in desperate need for His mercy.

In a snap of the fingers, Katie B is calling on the phone and invites me to her house to sit, talk, cry, and rest.

An hour later, I got a voice mail from a dear friend telling me that she was just thinking about me and wanted to tell me that she loved me.

The next hour I receive a text from another friend (yes, these are somewhat out of the blue) saying that she also loved me and wanted to hang out soon.

The next day I receive yet another text message from my dear friend Cassie saying that I had been prayed for at 4:09 p.m. that day.

Is this not the Lord showering me with His love all over the place or what? And this is merely a DROP, a mere shadow of how GREAT, how IMMENSE, how INTENSE His love for me (and you) is. How great of lengths He goes every day to show us that He just honestly and genuinely CARES about US.

Since then I have been learning a lot about "present risenness" of Jesus. What is this? Brennan Manning (Abba's Child) explains...

"the present risenness of Jesus as 'life-giving Spirit' means that I can cope with anything. I am not on my own. 'I pray that you may realize...how vast are the resources of His Spirit available to us' (See Ephesians 1:18-19.) Relying not on my own limited reserves but on the limitless power of the risen Christ I can stare down not only the imposter and the pharisee, but even the prospect of my impending death."
...........And it is a daily choice to live in realization of this fact. And it gets hard, I've realized. There are days when feelings run rampant - frustration, anger, resentment, fear, self-pity, depression, etc.

"So HOW does the life-giving Spirit of the risen Lord manifest Himself on days like that? In our willingness to stand fast, our refusal to run away and escape into self-destructive behavior. Resurrection power enables us to engage in the savage confrontation with untamed emotions, to accept the pain, receive it, take it on board, however acute it may be. And in the process we discover that we are not alone, that we can stand fast in the awareness of present risenness and so become fuller, deeper, richer disciples. We know ourselves to be more than we previously imagined. In the process we not only endure but are forced to explain the boundaries of who we think we really are."

"the mystery is Christ among you, your hope of glory" - Colossians 1:27

"Standing on a London street corner, G.K. Chesterton was approached by a newspaper reporter. 'Sir, I understand that you recently became a Christian. May I ask you one question?'
'Certainly,' replied Chesterton.
'If the risen Christ suddenly appeared at this very moment and stood behind you, what would you do?'
Chesterton looked the reporter squarely in the eye and said, 'He is.' "

why are You still here with me?

2005-11-01T22:50:00.000-08:00

katie played this song for me in the car a couple of months ago. something about this song stirred a part of my heart that hadn't felt touched in a while.

ever experience that?

so i finally got a copy of the song for myself. listened to it on the way home tonight. and wow. the tears came pouring out. and I'm laughing. MY GOD IS SO AMAZING. He loves me...so much!

"why are you still here with me?
didn't you see what I've done?
in my shame I want to run
and hide myself
but it's here I see the truth
I don't deserve You

but I need you to love me and I
I won't keep my heart from you
this time
And I'll stop this pretending
that I can somehow deserve what I already have
I need you to love me

I have wasted so much time
pushing You away from me
I just never saw how You
could cherish me!
Cuz You're a God who has all things
but still you want me

and I need you to love me
and I won't keep my heart You
this time
And I'll stop this pretending
that I can somehow deserve what I already have

Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been
And I need you to love me"

lately i have felt so separated from my own heart. and consequently I think I have attempted to keep Father at arms length. old ways of living independently of God have subtly crept up. or maybe they were there all along and He's just revealing them to me? i guess it doesn't matter. either way, He is revealing them to me NOT to show me how I am failing Him or that He's disappointed in me, but to bring me closer to Him. WOW. He wants more of me. He's a God who has all things - yet still He wants me!

Sara Groves has an amazing new cd out and I highly recommend it. In one of her songs she talks about an awakening to the beauty that surrounds her and how alive she can really be and feel. About this time last year, Father started to show me how He romances me. I think this song captures His heartbeat in me.

Just Showed Up by Sara Groves and Joel Hanson

I'm going to live my life inspired
Look for the holy in the common place
Open the windows and feel all that's honest and real
until I'm truly amazed

I'm going to feel all my emotions
I'm going to look you in the eyes
I'm going to listen and hear
until it's finally clear and it changes our lives

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real
...Oh the glory of God is man fully alive"

our treasure - the gospel

2005-10-31T06:01:00.000-08:00

I have always been intrigued at how after his conversion to Christ, Paul did not immediately immerse himself in any ministry - he waited years and years. "But when it pleased God, who separated me from my mother's womb and called me through His grace, to reveal His Son in me, that I might preach Him among the Gentiles, I did not immediately confer with flesh and blood, nor did I go up to Jerusalem to those who were apostles before me; but I went to Arabia, and returned again to Damascus." (Gal. 1:15-17)

God Himself was Paul's one and only source. Source for good news, source for life. And Paul went away to be with Him and to appropriate (or claim) all that was his in Christ.
Given, Paul had quite the reputation as a persecutor and a murderer of any Christ-followers. It was fitting for him to take himself out of the spotlight for a while...if he had come out immediately declaring himself a believer - who would really have believed him anyway?
but Paul was more concerned about the gospel - he received the gospel from the revelation of Jesus Christ and no man...could it be that he waited so long because he wanted to get the gospel right...exactly right?

the following is not meant as "i've got all my stuff together" by any means because if you know me at all, you know that just ain't true - I'm a mess!...but I have been thinking back to what i used to believe to be true (about me, Christ, the gospel and other people) - and now I think - how did I live like that?? how miserable! does anyone else think about that? katie and i were talkin last night about how it takes TIME for truth to click with people. It's okay if I/you/we don't get it right away. Processes - understanding, healing - take time. I went through Study One two whole times before I began to really "get it". In my adolescent development class this summer, I learned that developing any new self-concept is extremely hard and takes time. Praise the Lord that we can lean on Him even when we don't understand!! "trust the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he shall direct your paths" - Proverbs 3:5,6.

don't laugh, but there is a symbollic tie between my brother David and Paul. stay with me here I promise this will make sense. When my brother gets a new toy - gadget, big truck, whatever - he loves to tinker with it. I think a lot of men do this. He likes to take it apart and see how it works and then put it back together. This is one of his joys! In my mind, I imagine Paul doing this with the gospel and with God. Paul was an extremely intelligent man and probably loved to know the ins and outs of everything! Maybe like my brother, Paul took his new "treasure", went away, and immersed himself in it and then, when he felt ready, took it out for a spin (so to speak).

"the kingdom of heaven [or the gospel] is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and hid; and for joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field." - Matthew 13:44

tha beech

2005-10-23T22:50:00.000-07:00

Oh the beach. the sand. the waves. the smell of salted air. and RED TIDE. has anyone heard of
this? this was my "something new" in the "you learn something new every day" for the weekend. me and my peeps went to my sister's lovely beachhouse this weekend to enjoy some rest, relaxation, and football. as we strolled down the street towards the beach, we begin to feel the urge to cough. and it became stronger. we had begun to experience this evil little phenomenon called Red Tide - some sort of substance that comes from algae (I think) that gets stirred up by hurricanes at this time of the year - made its way into our lungs! apparently, this stuff is semi-toxic. but we didn't let it beat us - by Saturday morning, we were out on the beach like champs playin football, throwin the frisbee - enjoying life, enjoying Him.

Regardless of the evil RED TIDE, we had a blast this weekend. Good fellowship, perfect weather, amazing house, great food, intense football, and a very good God. I was so glad to spend some time with new friends Michelle and Melissa. It blesses my heart how Father created women in His image and how we have such a unique relationship with each other as sisters in Christ. We have such tender hearts; we're servants, we're sensitive, we're perceptive, we are detail-oriented and we are nesters - just like our Father.

"God's heart is the most sensitive and tender of all. No act goes unnoticed, no matter how insignificant or small. A cup of cold water is enough to put tears in the eyes of God. Like the proud mother who is thrilled to receive a bouquet of wilted dandelions from her child, so God celebrates our feeble expressions of gratitude" - Brennan Manning

The prayer of my heart lately has been that I would be more tender and compassionate. Most of the time I don't FEEL like that way but I will choose to believe that because Jesus is in me and that I am full of the Spirit of Christ that tenderness and compassion overflows in me. Thank you Jesus that not only do you have a dangerous, wild, and limitless love for us, but also a tender love, a compassionate love, a detailed love.

"the heart of the Spirit-filled person overflows with tenderness" - B. Manning

"and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." - Ephesians 4:32

the most beautiful fall day ever!

2005-10-17T23:04:00.000-07:00

What a gorgeous day it was here! I absolutely love October! I started my day with Jesus and breakfast outside at this adorable bakery called Edgar's. It was perfect - the air was crisp, the sky was clear, and while the sun was warm, the soft gentle breeze kept it cool.
Do you ever wake up feeling so excited about all of the things you want to do with a day of freedom that you can't decide what to do first? Today was a day like that for me. I think I've decided that sleeping just takes up too much time!! There are so many wonderful things I want to do every day - but who has the time? GEEZ. Yet my heavenly Father reminds me that rest is always needed - physically and spiritually. So I propped up my feet, put down my journal and pen, closed my eyes and breathed in, breathed out, breathed in, breathed out. How wonderful it was to be still before Him with a clear mind and a light heart! And then the Words of the Lord spoke to me through the music playing on the radio at Edgar's.

More than you know
Girl of my heart, I love you so
Lately I find, you're on my mind
More than you know
Loving you the way that I do
There's nothing I can do about it...
I'll love you more than you know
-Frank Sinatra

"rejoice oh daughter of God, He will sing songs over you..."

"let your soul delight itself in abundance" - Is. 55:2d

"cause me to hear your lovingkindness in the morning, for in You do I trust; Cause me to know the way in which I should walk, for I lift up my soul to You." - Psalm 143:8

"Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is illusion." - Brennan Manning

silly-ness

2005-10-13T08:30:00.000-07:00

One thing I love about being a girl is that when we get together we can be just so silly!! (not that you boys don't have a good time...it's just different!) My precious roomie (Sara Fletcher) and I are always doing something dumb! I bought this fart machine back in the spring (yes, i did and keri anne, katieb, peter, ashley and I had some good times with that during community groups) laugh! Sometimes Sara and I will wake each other up with the fart machine. Of course it always starts our day out right. What a way to wake up!! FERRRRRR! ;0 Don't be grossed out - see a lot of boys I know would actually just fart! Girls are more civilized. We use fart machines. hahaha.
Even though Sara and I love to watch Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice - I was just thinkin how wonderful it is that our society is not the way it was anymore (for the most part). Propriety pretty much bothers me. Goofy is my middle name. I'd rather be silly and get laughed at. One of my favorite songs is by Patty Griffin and I think it's about having fun, letting go, taking chances, and just enjoying life!

Let's take a ride to the seaside
We can go out swimming in the high tide
Just wear your shorts and your long hair
Don't forget the lawn chair
Everybody's gone to the movies
Everybody's gone and its groovy
They went to the one about the big war I didn't,
I'd seen it before

I guess I'm taking my chances
Giving up the ring throwing in the gloves
I guess I'm taking my chances
Trading in my things
A couple wings on a little white dove
And one big love, one big love

Everybody do like a Monkey
If you want to go on and be funky
No need to talk like a hero
Talk a walk count down to zero
No sense defending your honor
Just go on and kiss him if you wanna
Everything before is gone or is going somewhere

I guess I'm taking my chances
Giving up the ring throwing in the gloves
I guess I'm taking my chances
Trading in my things for a couple wings on a Little white dove
And one big love
one big love

I don't know where we are
And I don't care
And now we're out of gas
And riding on air
And one big love, one big love

pinhole camera fun

2005-10-11T18:04:00.000-07:00

Undo Me

2005-10-06T23:40:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel so simple-minded yet by the grace of God wisdom and understanding are ours! Thank you Jesus that you love to freely dispense wisdom to all who seek it! I was listening to a song by Dan Dyer (for all of you lovers of obscure musicians...he's a good one!) tonight and the Lord deepened my understanding of sanctification.

Here's the lyrics to part of the song:

"Why are we so afraid
To go lay down in the river?
Wash away everything
So we can be delivered"

the river is the WORD of God, the truth...it is living and active. As we immerse ourselves into the river of life, Jesus, the Word, we are cleansed! - but wait a sec, aren't we already clean? aren't we already justified and have peace with God through Christ? YES! The word cleanses and renews our minds -washing away old patterns -flesh patterns, LIES that have been implanted, etc. Once we renew our minds (Romans 12:1,2) we are restored back to who we truly are - clean, new, loved children of God.

Last thought - why are we so afraid? what is there to fear? why don't we go LAY DOWN (rest) in this water, river of life?? the TRUTH will UNDO US....hmmm. sounds scary! Another word for undo (verb) is free (verb). Like Lazarus, Jesus calls us forth, DELIVERS us out of our old burial rags to be undone and reveal a new, alive, FREE self. yesssssssss!

I'll end this ole post with a great quote from Abba's Child by Brennan Manning..."in solitude we tune out the nay-saying whispers of our worthlessness and sink down into the mystery of our true self."

Christ in Me: the Hope of Glory

2005-06-14T12:13:00.000-07:00

"For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy; 'I dwell in the high and holy place, with him who has a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones." - Isaiah 57:15